Short Story: Concerning a Boat Haunting
Note: I the changed names of those involved because I may be a dick, but I’m not an asshole. All boats have their ghost stories: old spirits of dead sailors still attached to the ship, seeing things late at night when you’re alone in the ocean, waking up with the feeling of something near you, … Read more
Adventures in Packing Usually End in Tears
Adventures! High seas! Or bays… sometimes rivers! Grabbing life by the balls! All well and good, but, before all that jazz, one must complete what I call, “the terrible awful awfulness.” Packing, in laymen’s terms. I’ve honestly never understood people who are good at packing. I made my first friend in college by pointing at … Read more
Pirate Reenactors are Dicks
I have a problem. Pirate Reenactors. The last thing I want to do here is trash a group of people who find friendship, self-esteem, and belonging by participating in a social activity (unless they’re Twilight fans), but, for the love of god, Pirate Reenactors push me into an area of offended hysteria usually reserved for … Read more
The Aryan Sensation that’s Sweeping the Nation
Behold the awesome power and force of PELE! No! Not this! THIS! The goddess of fire, lightning, wind, and volcanoes. Every volcanic eruption in Hawaii is said to result from Pele’s longing for her true love. (Yay, Wikipedia!) You might remember that my boat’s name was the Hawaiian Chieftain. Naturally, it made sense to name … Read more
Yes, I am a Terrible Human Being
Hello! Who still reads this? My aunt and uncle? Thanks for giving the link to my mother. She says I’m a wonderful writer, but must I really resort to such crude language? Yes, because I am a terrible human being. No, this is not, “The Sea Hates You Part 2.” Yes, I haven’t updated since … Read more
“The Sea Hates You” (or Times I Have Almost Died) Part 1
Any sailor whose been working for longer than, oh, a month has a “Remember-The-Time-That-I-Almost-Fucking-Died” story. Sometimes it happens after working on board for only a few weeks (Hey Teddy, remember falling from aloft? Good times). I have been working on the Hawaiian Chieftain going on eight months now. I have a couple stories. The first … Read more
“How are you doing today?” “I have no breaking point.”
Dear Hawaiian Chieftain Crew: I hope this box of random crap disguised as goodies can help distract you from the existential hell known as two months in Sacramento. The above letter came in a care package during my sixth week docked in the glorious city of Sacramento, or, as I came to call it, “The … Read more
“…but don’t let the fact that I read your blog affect what you write.”
This is Kim. Kim is the 1st Mate. Kim reads my blog. Kim is awesome. Kim has been running, writing, designing, and distributing her own sailing magazine called Jack Tar for years. Check it out here: http://jacktarmagazine.blogspot.com/ Kim enjoys photography and graphic design. She makes her own calendar called Women of Maritime. I’m assuming she … Read more
Happy Halloween!
Two days before Halloween, I was in a state of despair. My idea of dressing up the entire ship as the Firefly class Serenity fell through, and the backup hope of the USS Enterprise proved too expensive, and I was left to wander the stores of Old Sacramento looking for a Halloween costume. But no … Read more
“Islands Show Up On Radar, Right?”
Here begins the epic, and somewhat tragic, narrative of my transit from Westport, WA to Oakland, CA. In case any of you are new to the game, between Washington and California there is a big fucking ocean. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the water; I connect with the water on a level that … Read more
